flecksingecks

hey livejournal

i'm back again

for a limited time only



i'm really only here because i have tons of pent up depression over finding out that a chick who i've been interested in for a few months and who i thought was interested in me as well is seeing someone now

IT'S STEVE FUCKING BYGRAVE, TOO.

THAT'S FUCKED UP. THAT'S SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP OF LIFE TO PULL THIS SHIT ON ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I DID TO PISS OFF THIS GOD I DON'T BELIEVE IN (ohwait)



i seriously thought there was something there and that i would have good reason to get over kelli

i've gotten over kelli, yeah, but this would be a good reason

within the week i'll be posting entries i wrote into my french notebook last year

there are quite a few

i don't want them to just disappear so if you'd just ignore them that'd be fine

i guess they're just here for safe-keeping

i won't let it bother me.


i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me. i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me i won't let it bother me iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme
iwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbothermeiwontletitbotherme

i'm not worth your fucking time.

here's you ------


















































here's me ------

woah woah wait what the fuck am I still doing here?

why am I still visiting this place?

I haven't eaten much in the past three days.

Let me count. Pancakes, salt and vinegar chips, two fruit cups, coca-cola, one slice of pizza

I think that might be it.

"I lie about everything."





Run that sentence through your mind, Sparky.

Still got that idea in my head about only 4 or so more years left. Wonder how that will turn out.



Something spectacular happened to me about a week ago. It changes a few things but I still have the same plan as before. Maybe the plan has a few alterations now? no, it's still the same. I think. Don't know how something like that could make up for the bigger detail, no matter how utterly amazing it is/was. That bigger detail isn't going away, and so the plan remains the same. 4 more years or so.

and man, life moves fast. or maybe life moves slow, but certain people move relatively quickly. maybe those people are the only ones I notice. yeah, that sounds about right.

STOP MAKING ME HATE EVERYTHING I DO. EVERYTIME I EVER ENJOY SOMETHING YOU DECIDE TO START LIKING IT TOO AND I BECOME DISGUSTED IN IT. BECAUSE I'M DISGUSTED BY YOU. EVERYTHING YOU DO MAKES ME WANT TO GRAB YOU BY THE THROAT AND STRANGLE YOU UNTIL YOUR FACE TURNS SOME SHADE OF BLUEISH PURPLE AND I WISH I WAS KIDDING WHEN I SAID THAT. BUT I'M NOT. YOU'RE MY LEAST FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD AND YOU FUCKING STEAL EVERYTHING I ENJOY. NOT EVEN MAINSTREAM THNGS, EITHER. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT. DO YOU SET UP CAMERAS IN MY HOUSE TO SEE IF I EVER BECOME INTERESTED IN ANYTHING NEW? DO YOU HAVE A LITTLE NOTEBOOK WHERE YOU SCRIBBLE DOWN ANYTHING NOTEWORTHY YOU COULD STEAL FROM ME?

DON'T EVER COME NEAR ME. I DON'T EVER EVEN WANT YOU IN MY EYESIGHT, BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SEE YOU I BECOME NAUSEOUS WITH THE AMOUNT OF HATRED THAT SWELLS UP IN ME. AND EVEN IF YOU DID THAT, IF YOU STAYED OUT OF MY VISION FOR THE REST OF OUR KNOWN LIVES, IT WOULDN'T BE NEARLY ENOUGH FOR ME TO EVER CONSIDER YOU A PERSON I LIKED, OR EVEN A PERSON I WOULD TALK TO IF THERE WAS NOBODY ELSE AROUND.

yknow what, no. fuck that, fuck you Lauren Elkins. I wasn't going to add a name on but, yknow, I could care less. There's a very slim chance of you reading this anyway, and even if you did it would be a blessing because then you would know exactly how I despise you and you might even take the hint to never even glance at me when I walk by.

There isn't much I can do anymore.


I'm so tired. I can't sleep. I don't know why I can't sleep. No, wait. I do. I just forgot for a second.


I'm losing it. Where the fuck did I go, where the fuck did I wander off to from this past month and a half? Oh my god, SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

I cried today. It was only 1 or 2 tears and it only lasted about half a second, but I cried. I can't remember the last time I've ever cried about anything, anything besides maybe sand in my eye or a chilly morning wind. I doubted whether or not I could even do it ever again. I've never felt sad enough or enraged enough or any emotion worth crying about, I just haven't felt that way in who knows how long. But just a few minutes ago it happened, for the first time in what I think (or at least what feels like) years. I know that probably sounds hard to believe. That I haven't cried for something in so long. That's fine, believe what you want. actually, what am I even talking about? i'm acting as if anyone reads this journal. man I'm weird.

I'm not going to mention what I cried for. I'm not going to mention it because, well, it's something I'm ashamed of crying about. Honestly I feel weaker about crying about it, I feel confused as to how I could let something like that cause me to do it. But that's the shovanistic (shovunistic? shovenistic? anything else?) male part of my crying out, saying "FUCK YOU, JAMES. GROW THE FUCK UP. THIS IS WHY NOONE LIKES YOU."

Feeling's gone now though. I feel like I usually do. And I would say "nice while it lasted" or something like that, but in all honesty I'd prefer to never have to cry again. Ever.

I think I'm probably the worst type of person. And I think I'm being relatively honest when I say that. I now think that I am quite possibly the worst kind of person ever. The things I'm thinking about, I shouldn't even be thinking them. This is shit that should not even cross my mind, whatsoever.

Why the fuck am I even writing this. I don't even deserve to be writing this right now.

[11:37] EvetStevE1337: i made an awesome breakfast
[11:37] EvetStevE1337: only..
[11:37] EvetStevE1337: im not hungry anymore
[11:37] EvetStevE1337: i think i just wanted to cook
[11:37] EvetStevE1337: lol
[11:38] Secksy Ecks: lmao.
[11:38] Secksy Ecks: I do that sometimes.
[11:38] EvetStevE1337: lol
[11:38] EvetStevE1337: i do it all the time
[11:38] EvetStevE1337: then i feel bad
[11:38] EvetStevE1337: that i wasted all the food
[11:41] EvetStevE1337: i no what i wanna be when i grow up
[11:41] EvetStevE1337: a house-husband
[11:41] EvetStevE1337: -.-
[11:43] Secksy Ecks: ...lmfao
[11:43] Secksy Ecks: That's a very unmanly occupation.
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: idc
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: its a very lazy occupation
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: just stay home
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: and cook every so often
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: -.-
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: maybe clean
[11:43] Secksy Ecks: lol more like every day.
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: pssh
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: so
[11:43] EvetStevE1337: i like cooking anyways
[11:44] EvetStevE1337: i should be like
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: a chef
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: for a fancy restraunt
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: then i could cook epic dinners
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: at home
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: and then my lazy fat bitchass wife will be happy
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: and ill get a divorce
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: cause she just sits at home
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: and doesnt even cook
[11:45] EvetStevE1337: wait...that's a shitty fantasy
[11:45] Secksy Ecks: ...
[11:45] Secksy Ecks: LMAO

You call us "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey", and even "The Man", and you think it's OK. But when we call you, "Nigger", "Kike", "Towelhead", "Sand-nigger", "Camel Jockey", "Beaner", or "Chink", you call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists. If we had white history month, we'd be racists. If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists. If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.

lol copypasta?

Wavedashing is difficult.

:(

http://manga.clone-army.org/t42r/tomoyo154.png

This comic has caused me to be the most deppressed I have ever been. Specifically, that strip.

Not because of what that strip's punchline was, but because of what it made me think of after reading it.

EDIT: nevermind i'm an idiot